When you stopped drinking, you stopped the behaviors that caused harm. Neither is simply apologizing without the true intention to change. This involves praying or meditating for guidance, accepting responsibility for your actions, repaying debts and asking for forgiveness.
Step 10: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
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Maintaining emotional equilibrium
Symbolic amends might be something you need to do if the person you harmed is no longer living or if establishing contact with them would cause more harm than good. The thing that’s great about forgiveness is that once it’s over, you’ve accomplished one of the hardest parts of this step in the recovery process. As we embark on this journey to learn how to achieve Celebrate Recovery Step 9, remember to turn to the Lord when you are in doubt about anything. You might question who you should make amends with versus those who would be harmed if you did this.
- On the other hand, some people consider living amends to be a whole sober lifestyle.
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- Not all forgiveness has to be made in person or on the phone (voiced).
- There is freedom that is gained by cleaning up the past, a freedom to live peacefully in the present.
- It’s not enough to simply write out our inventory—this step asks us to speak it aloud to another person and to God, breaking free from the isolation and secrecy that fueled our addiction.
What is Step 9 in AA?
Sometimes, simply contacting a person that you’ve victimized because of your addiction can hurt them again. You might trigger so much pain and stress that they’ve been trying to work through for a while now. One focuses on direct contact, while the other narrows in on indirect actions. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way.
- You are setting the record strait to clean up your side of the street, so to speak.
- Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly.
- It took time for us to emerge from our chrysalis fully committed to recovery, and the people around us are entitled to go through the process without being rushed.
- Equipped with coping mechanisms, such as visualizing a positive outcome or practicing self-soothing techniques, can help navigate the unpredictability of responses.
Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease. Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people.
Handling Emotional Responses
Some thought and planning needs to go into it for the best possible outcome. On the flipside of the same AA coin, it is equally important that you don’t procrastinate making amends. Because, based on experience, many recovering individuals have relapsed when they allowed their fears to keep them from doing Step Nine. Dr. Bob, one of our original founders could not stay sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt. An alcoholic in recovery first creates the list of individuals they have harmed during step eight and living amends aa then divides the list into four categories.
Supporting Loved Ones Through the Recovery Process
However, it’s equally important to recognize when making amends might cause further harm. Step 9 advises against making amends if it risks additional harm to the other party. This balance ensures that the process of making amends is constructive rather than detrimental. The first is when you take actions (donate, volunteer, etc.) whenever you can’t directly reach out to the affected person.